Tired and Typical with The Old Guard

The Stream: Very Long, unoriginal, and predictable storyline

The Big Screen: Solid action sequences and good cast chemistry

The Final Bill: Bored and want some action on in the background… take a hack at it

-S2S: Movie Review
Director: Gina Prince-Bythewood
Writers: Greg Rucka (screenplay by), Greg Rucka (based on the graphic novel series by) | 1 more credit »
Stars: Charlize TheronKiKi LayneMatthias Schoenaerts | See full cast & crew 
Genre: ActionFantasy, Sci-Fi
Rating: R (some cursing and graphic depictions of violence)
Runtime: 2 Hours
Platform: Netflix (Starting June 10)

Welcome back Streamers! This weekend I’ve chosen continue my quest to guard your eyes and time from middling movie quality. This is why I had to watch The Old Guard. The movie starring Charlize Theron debuted on Netflix this Friday. If you follow our IG page, you saw the trailer, but I’ve included it below as well. The Old Guard is a movie about a group of “immortal” mercenaries that are trying to avoid detection while completing their missions. I know you’re intrigued. Sci-fi, action, and Charlize! I’ll go ahead and sign you up. But let’s see what we got.

How many times can we watch an A-Team type of movie? Now, this A-Team can’t die. How many times can we watch John Wick-esque violence? Actually, it is just that exactly what you think will happen happens. The trailer says it all. Okay, sure, we can watch this A-Team movie again. We love a rag-tag team completing missions. And yes, we can watch someone kick butt like John Wick all day long. That’s what America is built on, violence! You’re right! This cast works well together, except the newbie to the crew, KiKi Layne as Nile, added doesn’t quite fit the vibe of the others. But I’m sure she will if they decide to do a sequel. *WINK* The problem becomes we’ve seen this movie before. Action sequences while good are the same as Underworld, Atomic Blonde, John Wick, etc. Those titles actually are a perfect mixture to describe this movie. Don’t we deserve more! Then there’s the storyline that is extra basic. Has creativity really been this lost even in the sci-fi genre? This just feels like a sad money grab.

Ok, I’m going to lay into this one. Allow me some rope. Charlize, what are you doing?! I understand you’re picking the same type of roles to play because you’re BA… I get it… BUT YOU LITERALLY PLAYED THIS ROLE BEFORE. This movie is just your character in Hancock-you mixed with Bloodshot. I was going to say Wonder Woman mixed with Bloodshot, but then I remembered “oh wait this is exactly what Charlize did before except she wasn’t a housewife.” Shoot, this might as well be that same character after her husband and stepson died and now she’s on a rampage for a couple of centuries. I’m just saying, Charlize, I love ya in a action film, but you can take a break from playing this role for a little bit. You’ve got more in you than just fighting, getting beat up, killing people, and crying. You were still enjoyable in your monotone BA role. Don’t even get me started on you, Chiwetel Ejiofor. Get that check, my guy, but also DO BETTER!

S2S: Official Rating Scale

Nevertheless, The Old Guard is what you thought it would be. Entertaining action that is sprinkled in between long drawn out predictable storyline sequences. You can keep this on in the background on a Sunday afternoon but otherwise, just stream this if you’re bored. A handful of popcorn will be enough to get you through.