The Stream: A plot that’s too complicated for a movie this bland.

The Big Screen: Many references to the Disney theme park ride that will delight its fans.

The Final Bill: Not spooky enough, not funny enough, and definitely not memorable enough for a 2-hour movie.

– Trip Fontaine
Director: Justin Simien
Writers: Katie Dippold
Stars: LaKeith Stanfield, Rosario Dawson, Owen Wilson, Tiffany Haddish, Danny DeVito, Chase Dillon, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jared Leto
Genre: Comedy, Horror, Family, Fantasy
Rating: PG-13 for some thematic elements and scary action.
Runtime: 1 hour 54 minutes
Production Companies: Walt Disney Productions, Rideback
Platform: In theaters July 28, 2023
Notable Trailers: Wish, A Haunting in Venice, Migration

Welcome back, Streamers! It’s a spooky day here at Stream2BigScreen, which is convenient since Haunted Mansion is on the marquee. Walt Disney’s theme park ride, The Haunted Mansion, has had a previous adaptation into a major motion picture back in 2003. Here we are again, 20 years later, taking a wild ride through the mansion teeming with ghosts. Will this Haunted Mansion be a success like Pirates of the Caribbean or a dud like Jungle Cruise?

In this Haunted Mansion, Gabbie (Rosario Dawson) and her son, Travis (Chase W. Dillon), move from New York into Gracey Manor in New Orleans in order to start over and open a bed and breakfast.  Upon arrival, they discover that their new home is haunted by ghosts who will not let them leave. Gabbie enlists the help of a coterie of characters who purport to have special skills that will help rid the home of its ghosts. Ben Matthias (LaKeith Stanfield) is an astrophysicist turned paranormal tour guide, who has a camera that can capture ghostly activity; Father Kent (Owen Wilson) is a priest, who might be able to exorcize the ghosts; Harriet (Tiffany Haddish) is a psychic, who can communicate with the ghosts; and, Bruce Davis (Danny DeVito) is a professor who can help uncover the history of Gracey Manor.  They all descend on the mansion with the goal of busting these ghosts. Spooky hijinks ensue.

I don’t think I’ve ever been on the Haunted Mansion ride, and if I have, I don’t remember it.  Nevertheless, Haunted Mansion does a great job of invoking the ride in the feeling and aesthetic of this movie.  The movie looks like a Disney ride through a haunted mansion.  The camera swoops in and always feels like it’s moving.  The visual effects are not the best, but they feel like I’d expect them to on a Disney ride. It also seems kind of repetitive at a point. I suspect that those Disney fans will see and be delighted by all of the references throughout the film.

On the other hand, this movie makes no sense.  I guess that’s what you get from a movie based on a theme park ride.  The plot is so thin that it actually gets confusing when it tries to stretch to 2 hours. The movie takes serious themes of grief and acceptance too lightly and feels very superficial. While the movie is silly, it never gets to the point where it is actually funny.  There might be one funny part, but that’s not enough to recommend this movie. Lastly, the acting is all over the place. The actors are all in different movies. Stanfield is good, but too serious.  Wilson is doing the same old schtick. Dawson has nothing to do in a thankless role. Haddish has some funny lines, but she’s otherwise wasted. I don’t know why Jared Leto was even cast in this movie.

Ultimately, Haunted Mansion is fine but not worth a trip to the movie theater.  Definitely, wait until it arrives on Disney+ to check this one out. Maybe if you remember the ride, you’ll enjoy some references but that can’t be enough to sustain a 2-hour movie. Just one popped kernel for this one.