Texas Chainsaw Massacre Is A Sprint To The Finish

The Stream: Too gross and zero plot or originality

The Big Screen: Super gross and short runtime

The Final Bill: A plotless, bloody Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie

– S2S: Movie Review
Director: David Blue Garcia
Writers: Chris Thomas Devlin (screenplay by), Fede Alvarez (story by), Rodo Sayagues (story by)
Stars: Sarah Yarkin, Elsie Fisher, Mark Burnham
Genre: Horror, Crime, Thriller
Rating: R
Runtime: 1 hour 15 minutes
Production Companies: Bad Hombre, Exurbia Films, Legendary Entertainment
Platform: Released on Netflix February 18, 2022

Streamers, this weekend we had a busy slate of streaming and theater flicks. After close to 50 years of hiding (in the movie, not in reality), Leatherface returns to seek vengeance and terrorize a group of young, idealistic, gentrifying friends, who disrupt his way of life in a dead Texas town. Let’s see what I thought about this flick.

Now, I’m not going to lie I’m tired of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre storyline, but the trailer and the movie’s availability on Netflix made me watch this flick (check the trailer below the rating when you get a chance). We literally know exactly what’s coming in these movies. Outsiders come to the small town to get chopped up and usually at least one person survives to tell the tale. I don’t even feel bad saying that if you think it’s a spoiler… its freaking Texas Chainsaw Massacre for crying out loud. How many times can we see the story of Leatherface? Well, at least one more time and this time they brought it to the 21st century. They’ve kind of changed the settings. We kind of get to see Leatherface’s face. More importantly, we don’t just have a fool running around with a chainsaw 100% of the time (yes, the chainsaw running was pretty entertaining but old). I mean this movie is so quick and the plot last for about 5 seconds of it. The filmmakers were literally like, “how can we kill the most amount of people in the least amount of time? I know put a mass murderer in a town of 3 and then bring him a bus full of yuppies.” Don’t believe me watch the trailer. I could’ve sworn I heard Leatherface yell “they dook ur jubs” at one point. Don’t get me started on the failed attempt to relate this movie/character to some commentary on mass shootings in this country. You all failed at that.

Anyway, the movie succeeds in the brutality category. A sick person really brought this one to life visually. Horror fans will enjoy it. I mean excuse me gore fans will really enjoy this one. I can’t really say people will be afraid of this movie as much as they will be disgusted by it. I mean this movie really took it up a notch. We haven’t seen this degree of gore in a while not since the later Saw movies. I mean this flick is easily 3x worse than any of the previous Texas Chainsaw versions. At a certain point, it’s not even a movie anymore. You’re just watching an exercise in how to kill people and splatter some blood. Which reminds me, the other bad part of these movies is that people never know how to grab tail and run.

And lastly, why did this man waste his years not in the NFL?! He’s fast (4.4 speed with a chainsaw in hand with a limp), strong, and determined. He’s basically a 6’7″ Aaron Donald on steroids. And you can’t tell me scouts weren’t checking for him in Texas. Texas is definitely football country! This fact alone makes the whole movie unbelievable.

S2S: Official Rating Scale

Let’s get real, the movie isn’t scary, but it is gross. You literally already know what you’re going to get from a Texas Chainsaw Massacre type movie, and storyline is not it. So, this might not be up every horror fan’s alley due to the degree of violence displayed. Yet, if that type of grotesque violence, blood and gore is up your alley, oh you bet your bottom dollar you better catch this on Netflix. The movie generally is gross and slightly laughably entertaining leading to a single popped kernel. But for you horror/gore fans out there, you’ll have a ball with this streaming option on Netflix. You sickos go grab a big box of popcorn and a mess towel for the blood splatter.